Beware of the Venomous Flower

A lighthearted letter to a crap head. What happened?! I thought we were friends. It seems like everything we had before I supposedly insulted your family was fake. You pretended to like me because you wanted all the attention. You wanted me to do things for you, suck up to you, "collaborate" with you on all these "projects" to further kiss ass to management. Look we're working together and bullshitting about the new programs we can create in the school. We are leaders. We should get promoted. What did I do that was so terrible that you had to go to management and complain. You had to tell them I was so evil, saying you had qualities that I look for in a partner. Only a terrible person says that. And your family, the ones I dissed because I don't understand Dominican culture. So Dominicans are the only ones who care about their family? So Jews don't care about family and they insult others who do, I get it. That makes no sense. What else did I do that was so terrible? You said that I follow you around, I'm always where you are. We'll you encourage it by flowering me with so many compliments. Like all of the compliments you gave me all of the encouragement to follow you around. Setting up regular lunch dates and contacting me about them. Well, suddenly you don't want the attention, when before you couldn't get enough. It just makes no sense. Why am I evil? What did I do? I don't get it? How am I the devil here? I don't understand the way you think, the way you have twisted this situation. It's totally upside down. I should be the one complaining. I lost a close friend, or someone I thought was my friend. It's hard to believe that all of the positive interactions I had before were a lie. You just pretended to like me, and just as easily you can pretend to hate me. You have no reason, there is no reason for all of this anger and hatred and silence and discomfort between us. So just knock it off, quit your complaining and get over yourself. It's not about you for once.

Why do I accept so little from women.

Lately, women have been taking a brief interest in me, and then blowing me off. I wait there as they promise to come to my curling tournament or say that I could help them with a film project, all to cut and run at the last second. Over and over again. I'm sick of women canceling on me, without a legit reason. Why do I accept so little? I shouldn't have to deal with this bullshit. It's easy for me to speak my mind and honestly communicate my feelings. Why can't you? Why are women playing these games with me? Is there something I am giving off to the world that makes it okay for women to be so wishy-washy with me. Someone who can't be honest is someone I don't want to be with anyway. The problem is that my system has gone haywire from the lack of physical female contact, that I go crazy at the thought of maybe getting laid sometime in the near future. I can't think straight anymore. I'm so overcome with the desire to screw every woman on this planet. I need to get this out of my system as soon as possible, if I expect to lead a somewhat normal life.

An Update

So the butch hottie at work has left and I have officially gotten over Melissa. It's unfortunate considering she has a ton going for her such as her awesome interests, quirky sense of humor and she's mad hot. She's completely unaware of what a chick magnet she is, but the interest isn't there. I see that now. If I can't even get a friendship happening she's just not interested. She might be in time, and I don't know what the future holds, but I'm not going to wait, I'm done waiting. It seems clear that she wants to be left alone. Maybe she's not ready for anyone. It's not a good match in general. I get so annoyed with her many moods, I couldn't take her baggage. And sex wouldn't be happening anytime soon, you can forget that. I don't mind that she's fucked up, I mind that she walks around displaying her issues waiting for everyone to cheer her up and cut her an incredible amount of slack, even though she's often negative and rude. I don't know why people are so nice to her considering what a pain in the ass she is. I guess they don't know her as well as I do. And they haven't been hurt by her either. I've run out of sympathy. She's one headache I don't need right now.

I have to keep an eye out for Nancy and the trouble she brings. She's convincing me to run all these things and getting touchy touchy in the process. That's exactly how to get me to do things. I'm not even sure if that's her intention. Maybe it's not about dumping responsibilities on me, but about getting close to me while ensuring that the club business is run by someone who has the best intentions for the future of the program. Why me? Why am I a good person to take on all of this responsibility?

The connection I share with her provides that validation I so desperately need for my sexuality. Now I have female appeal. I don't get acceptance like this from from my parents. There's that alternate-parent dynamic going on here. I could get the ultimate validation if I had sex with her. Just the thought of us getting intimately involved stirs up some creepy, scary, naughty, and exciting sorts of feelings in me. It's twisted, very twisted, but hot.

Girl at Work

In life you never know what can happen. You could walk into work one day and suddenly there is a hot new employee there greeting you. That was today. I can't get my hopes up 'cause she's in her mid40s and super hot, there's little chance she's single. I'm entering this one with a level head and an open mind, or at least for now. This may be a friend, a lover, a girlfriend, a soul mate, or a big nothing. I guess I'll have to wait and find out, and cry about it later.

Stay Away from N-a-n-c-y C-l-a-n-c-y!

So I think I've learned a valuable lesson tonight. Don't let yourself get manipulated by people who hit on you and probably have no intention of acting on it. Those women out there who like to toy around with us gay people, like we're some dirty little secret. When it comes down to it, we're just a means to an end. "Let me see if I can get a girl to like me." I've been in situations where it has gone so far that I get emotionally involved in the girl and believe that someday I will be with her. I must see this for what it is.

Tonight I sat on a couch in the back thoroughly disinterested in the guys there, while Nancy paraded around in her cute little outfit, flirting with the world. Being around all that testosterone made me feel exceptionally gay. I prefer all-women environments. I really despise men in general, the whole idea of men. Individually guys are alright, but not in packs, and especially not with beer. Men are such sick horny creatures. I'm a sick horny creature as well, but at least I can appreciate women, the whole body and soul and all. So what makes my horny any more dignified than their horny? I think horny got me into this mess of lusting over a mid 50 plus woman anyway...