So the butch hottie at work has left and I have officially gotten over Melissa. It's unfortunate considering she has a ton going for her such as her awesome interests, quirky sense of humor and she's mad hot. She's completely unaware of what a chick magnet she is, but the interest isn't there. I see that now. If I can't even get a friendship happening she's just not interested. She might be in time, and I don't know what the future holds, but I'm not going to wait, I'm done waiting. It seems clear that she wants to be left alone. Maybe she's not ready for anyone. It's not a good match in general. I get so annoyed with her many moods, I couldn't take her baggage. And sex wouldn't be happening anytime soon, you can forget that. I don't mind that she's fucked up, I mind that she walks around displaying her issues waiting for everyone to cheer her up and cut her an incredible amount of slack, even though she's often negative and rude. I don't know why people are so nice to her considering what a pain in the ass she is. I guess they don't know her as well as I do. And they haven't been hurt by her either. I've run out of sympathy. She's one headache I don't need right now.
I have to keep an eye out for Nancy and the trouble she brings. She's convincing me to run all these things and getting touchy touchy in the process. That's exactly how to get me to do things. I'm not even sure if that's her intention. Maybe it's not about dumping responsibilities on me, but about getting close to me while ensuring that the club business is run by someone who has the best intentions for the future of the program. Why me? Why am I a good person to take on all of this responsibility?
The connection I share with her provides that validation I so desperately need for my sexuality. Now I have female appeal. I don't get acceptance like this from from my parents. There's that alternate-parent dynamic going on here. I could get the ultimate validation if I had sex with her. Just the thought of us getting intimately involved stirs up some creepy, scary, naughty, and exciting sorts of feelings in me. It's twisted, very twisted, but hot.
